Race report

Saturday was the American Fork Canyon Half Marathon. It was great. Great to run it and great to finish it. Here's the low down:

Friday night after work Brenna and I had planned to meet up at my mom's and stay the night there. My mom lives about 10 minutes from the AF high school (where we had to catch the buses). I picked her up and she went with me to get my packet (she'd gotten hers about an hour earlier). There wasn't too much in the bag which kind of made me sad but I realize all the money goes to help those that can't afford cancer treatments and appointments so I can see why we don't have much. I mean we got a shirt and the medals we got at the finish line were pretty nice. So anyway, we hung out for awhile then my mom came back and we hung out talking to her until about 9:30. Then it was time for bed. We had to get up at 3:45 to get to the buses. We didn't want to be first there but didn't want to be last (the last bus took off at 4:45am). I ended up falling asleep fast and sleeping so much better than I ever thought I would. 

The next morning we got there in more than enough time but the lines were HUGE! Actually when we got up to start of the race there were tons of people up there already and more kept coming. There were people everywhere! 2500 to be exact. In one, not so large, parking lot. Brenna and I use the port a potties and then walked around trying to stay warm. It was kind of chilly; probably in the mid 50's. Some people had blankets that they were putting in their bags to be taken back down the canyon. Finally it was time to start. Crazy thing was there were so many people it took us 3 1/2 minutes to get over the actual starting line once it started because of all the people. Even as we ran we both felt like we were elbowing people left and right as we ran. It never really thinned out until the last couple blocks. It was amazing. I've never done any type of race that had that many people in it. 

So my foot...it actually felt amazing until about mile 7. Then i started feeling these twinges on the side of my foot. After about a mile my whole foot hurt. At mile 9 I stopped and walked for a minute (while I drank some water and chomped down a few bits of an energy bar). It actually started feeling worse when I was walking so I ran again. I stopped and walked a couple more times but not for very long each time. I probably walked about a half mile all together. Not too bad I'd say for being "lame."

Also I had no music. NONE! Can you believe my MP3 died at the very beginning?! It had been acting weird for awhile and lately had only been playing for about 2 hrs and then shutting off. So I waited for a couple miles to go by before I turned it on. Halfway through the first song it turned off. I just looked at it like I didn't understand what it had just done. How in the world was I going to run 11 more miles without music? I could enjoy nature...I could talk to others around me...I could listen to myself breathe...nothing really sounded that great to me. I was so ticked. To be honest it really didn't bother me that much until about mile 11. I would have given anything for music those last couple miles. I didn't realize how much it helps push me. How it helps me go that extra amount i don't want to go. I will need to get something a little more reliable before I do any kind of race again. 

Brenna had told me she was going to stay with me the whole race. She'd run a great practice run with Bryce the week before and said she knew what she could do. I told her I didn't want her to. That I wanted her to see what she could do in her first half. She said she'd feel bad if she left me because of my hurt foot. I told her I'd feel bad if she held back for me. We decided we'd play it by ear. During the race at mile 5 I talked her into going on her own. I was glad. I knew I'd held her back some for a few of those miles (all the people held her back for others) but I knew if she took off then she'd still get a pretty good time. Which she did. 

So there I was running 13.1 miles with a hurt foot, by myself, with no music. I did fairly well at pushing myself until I saw the 12 mile mark sign. At that point I just wanted to cry. I still had 1.1 miles to go and I was exhausted. I started walking. Just then I heard "SISTER TOEWS!!" It was one of Dallin's friends that I'd met many times and even saw at my last half (he ran it too). He was so excited to see me and I was happy to have something to make me forgot how miserable i felt. He told me he'd been watching for me all morning, that Dallin told him I was running the race. I told him about my music issue so he ran next to me being my beat box. It was a little annoying but also funny. It gave me that extra energy I needed. 

He stopped after a few feet and went back to his post. I stopped, got a drink at the last water station and took up. I didn't stop the rest of the way. Coming around the last curve I heard my name being yelled. It was my mom, Brooke, my niece Emma and Brenna. She'd finished and come back to yell for me. I gave her a high 5 as I ran by and kept going. My end time was 2:20 and something seconds. A couple minutes slower than my first half marathon but with the no music and my foot I was more than OK with the time. Brenna came in at 2:04 and something seconds. I am so stinkin proud of her. She was awesome. And I know she can probably even do better next time. We had a great time. 

Funny thing is...she's already talking about her next half marathon (I've bowed out but said I'd come watch her finish) and we were talking last night about next year_which one we wanted to do. There's one in Vernal at the beginning of May. The medal is in the shape of a dinosaur. :-) I love that she's so excited about racing now. It's nice to have someone else to talk about it with. 

My foot...it hurt really bad this morning (almost needed crutches) but is feeling better at the moment. Tomorrow will be my first trip to the gym in a week and a half. I'm a little scared. I'm going to have to take it easy. No running. Maybe some rowing. Definitely some sit ups and push ups. I can totally tell it's been a while since I've done crossfit. Dang it. It sure doesn't take long!  

Injuries never happen when you want them to

I didn't write last week. My 11 mile run was good. I felt good but I was really slow. I didn't get any carbs though the day before and didn't have anything more than a sip of Gatorade while I was running. I think all of those things made a difference. Because my body felt like I could go longer I just couldn't go faster.

That was my 11 mile run. Last week was my 12 miler. The last one before my big race. I mapped out a couple different routes. I wanted to find the easiest route. I figured 12 miles was hard enough I didn't need to add tons of hills or new roads on top of it. I planned on getting up at really early Saturday morning to get going and done by 8am. Kim was going to meet me at Macey's (at the end of my route) with Leah for chocolate milk and donuts.

Saturday morning I got up and was at the top of Elk Ridge by 5:45am. It was actually cold! I had to wear a long sleeve shirt over my regular shirt. It hasn't been that cool in awhile. It felt good. There was a slight breeze but it went away as soon as the sun came up (which is pretty normal I've found). I made it to my 1st drink stop at mile 5.6. I felt great. My time was awesome. I'd been averaging a 9:50 min mile. I loved the route and decided I'd maybe use it next time I trained or wanted to do a longer run. I started up again and felt good. But around mile 8 I really started slowing down. By mile 9 I was feeling like I wanted to walk so bad. I'd stopped twice for street lights but that hadn't been enough. When I got to the gas station around mile 10.3 I was more than ready for the break. I got a drink, wiped my face off a little and texted Kim to let him know where I was and when I thought I'd be done. I told him I was ready to walk the rest of the way. And when I left the gas station I really thought I would. But once I started running I went a lot further than I thought. I had to stop again around mile 11 to cross the street. I think that was the last time I walked. I made it until my Garmin dinged at mile 12 running.

I was pretty slow the last few miles but I did it. I made it 12 miles. If I figured out how much I actually walked I'd say I walked about 3 blocks or about 1/4 of a mile. It was interesting...my first 6 miles took 55 minutes but my last 6 miles took 68 minutes.

When I stopped at Macey's I was exhausted but so thrilled I'd made it. Kim drove up about 5 minutes later and we went inside to get some chocolate milk & donuts before getting some groceries.

This is what I was thinking about the last couple miles. I got two of them and they tasted amazing! Chocolate milk makes my stomach hurt a little bit but I've heard its the best thing to drink right after a hard, long run.

After we ate our "breakfast" we walked around the store to get some groceries for the family dinner we were having that night. A few minutes into walking around my right foot started hurting. Bad. Like I was barefoot and stepped on a sharp rock. I hurt. But I kept going. When we got home I helped Kim mow the lawns. By the time I finished I could barely walk. I went inside and put my foot up. It hurt so bad!! By the evening I couldn't walk at all. I Googled my injury and kind of figured out what it was but that didn't make things better. I kept reading "need to not run for a few weeks" "No running". I had my half marathon the next Saturday. I almost cried.

It's now 3 days later. My foot is better but still really sore. At least the shooting pain is gone. Now it's more of a dull ache. I can handle that. Monday morning it hurt so bad I thought for sure I wasn't going to be able to run. I know I can now as long as I stay off it the rest of the week. That's so hard though!! No exercise at all-all week! I haven't thought of anything I could do that wouldn't possibly hurt my foot. And I don't want to chance it at all. I did some abdominal exercises yesterday and may do them again tomorrow morning just so I feel like I did something. I worry about the weight I will have gained by Saturday. But I really worry about the distance ability I will have lost by then. No running for a week and then doing 13.1 miles...what the heck!?

We'll see. Wish me luck!
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Saturday night we had a BBQ. Matthew leaves on Wednesday for the MTC. He'll be gone to Ecuador for 2 years. It's hard to believe. So we decided to have a BBQ. Nice, expensive steaks and great food. It was so good!  Unfortunately Nate didn't come. It was too bad because we wanted to do a family picture too. So we did it without him. It turned out really great I thought. The boys had a good time joking and eating. It was a nice day. Probably nicer if Nathan had been there but nothing we could do about that.

After 6 years of being married here is our first ever family picture. 

I like it. 

Just call me Rocky

Saturday was my first double digit run with this training schedule. I re-read my journal entry from last year. It wasn't good. I put in there that that run was my worst so far. I walked a lot and had a ton of problems. I figured maybe this year would be better. Nope. It was bad as soon as I started. Problem...I had to use the restroom. Even though I'd gone twice before leaving the house for some reason I needed to go again. And my stomach was upset. I'd carb loaded just a little too much the day before and I was feeling it. I had my Garmin on so I figured I would just do my route through Elk Ridge but change it up a little so I could run by my house. I ran 1.5 mile and then stopped at my house.

When I started out again I knew it just wasn't going to be good. By the time I got to mile 4 I was wondering about going back home. My Powerade that I'd left the day before was around mile 5 so I stopped and drank. But by then I was exhausted, it was hot and I wanted to just go home. But I trudged on. I actually had to stop and walk some of it. I was about 2 or 3 blocks from my second Powerade stop when I looked down at my Garmin and realized I hadn't turned it back on when I'd started running again after my first drink stop. I was so mad!! I had changed my route and was hoping my Garmin would help me know when I should be done with my 10 miles.

The only thing that saved me was that I'd reviewed my route on line a ton of times so I knew once I hit my second drink place how many miles I should be. That helped save the route. I have to say the last part of the route (from miles 8-10) weren't as bad as the rest. I felt better finally and actually felt like I could get into a rhythm. Next week is 11 miles. Yipee. Although I think I'll go back to my old route. I changed it up this time and it didn't work at all. That was another thing...most of the first half of the route was this gradual uphill. It was killer!

Now for today...

This is the top of Elk Ridge Drive looking down towards Hwy 189. You can't even see Hwy 189 it's so far down there.

Today I decided I was going to conquer this road. I'd tried running up it more than once. Quite a few times actually in the last couple years. I could never do the whole thing. I've run down it many times. I actually love the downhill, it's perfect for canyon training. But the uphill...just keep slipping through my fingers. Last week I did the last mile of the uphill and was so excited. So I decided this was the day I was going to make it the whole way.

I got up and felt pretty good. The weather was a little cooler than I'd wanted but I just put on a short sleeve anyway. I knew long sleeve would be too hot really quick. I drove to the top of the hill, left my car and started down. It felt great right away. I hadn't brought my Garmin so I didn't know how fast i was going but I knew my time was good.

When I got to the bottom I turned around and started heading right back up. I didn't even stop. Just went straight up. The first mile up was good. I was so glad I hadn't run even faster downhill like I'd thought about doing. I knew I needed every ounce of energy to make it back up. I hit the spot I knew was 1 mile from the top. I was still doing pretty good; tired but good. I had a rhythm going. I knew I was running really slow but I didn't care-I was going to beat this hill.

As I got closer and closer to the top my legs started really hurting. Like at Crossfit when there's 100 squats to do and you try to do them all without stopping but your legs start burning half way through...that was this but I knew I couldn't stop. When I was at the bottom of the last steep portion I was so happy! I knew I could do it from there. I even was chanting it to myself "I can do this. I can do this." :-) And I did.

When I made it to the top I wanted to jump up and down; I wanted to pump my arms and fists into the air like Rocky did when he finally ran up all those stairs in the first Rocky movie. I was so happy! So freakin proud of myself. I'd done it. I'd made my goal. It had taken a few tries but I'd done it. At that point the fact that my 10 miler had been bad didn't matter anymore. I also knew that I could do this race...something I was really doubting after Saturday's run. I know I can now. That's one stinking huge incline! And I did it. Yes er re Bob. :-)

Feeling good again

My eating has been back and forth this week. Some days I'm great and others I eat 1,000 calories over what I should! But my weight is staying the same so I guess that's better than gaining.

Today was my long run. I didn't go to crossfit yesterday. I was afraid since I'd done 8 miles on Monday and 4 on Thursday doing crossfit Wednesday and Friday would make my legs really tired. Turns out they were tired to begin with.

After my terrible run on Monday I've really been thinking about my training. I've been reading up on running and reading through my journal from when I was training last year. It really gave me some insight. One thing I needed to realize is that my long runs aren't for me to get my fastest time. They're for me to get my mileage in. My runs during the week are for speed. LR are for distance. My goal for my long runs is just to finish.

I also need to remember to keep my own pace. Not try to do too much or too fast. Slow and steady. It's worked so far; why change. So today when I was getting ready for my run and walking up to my starting point I thought about that. I'd worn the Garmin mostly for mileage purposes. I wanted to keep track of when I walked so I can log that later. I also wanted to make sure if I got off track or decided to change my route I still went 9 miles.

It was great to have the Garmin actually because it helped me keep my speed down. There were times I started feeling really slow so I'd speed up. Then I'd look down and see I was going 9:30 per mile and think "Can I keep this up?" I knew I couldn't so I'd slow down a little bit.

I also stashed something to drink in the middle of my route this time. Bryce told me he did it because he hates to carry water. I thought I'd give it a try and left a bottle of Powerade hidden at a church 5 miles into my route. It ended up being so wonderful! I left it there after drinking some. It was just too big to carry (I picked it up after). It was funny, about a mile after my drink I had to use the restroom. I'd drank a bunch of water before I started too so that probably didn't help. I looked around and saw that I was coming up on a house being built that had a port a potty in front. I hate those but have used them at races so figured I'd use it now. As much as I hated it I couldn't imagine running 3 more miles having to use the bathroom.

I finished my 9.09 miles in 1 hour 33 minutes. That's about 10:23 a mile. Other than my stop to drink and my stop for the bathroom I ran the whole thing. Up the hills and on the flat parts. All of it. I love that I can do that. And I felt great when I finished. I know not pushing myself was the best thing. I just kept my pace as comfortable as I could and it worked.

I love this route and may have to use it next week for my 10 miler. It has so much to look at when I'm running. I love it. 

It has a canyon where deer stand on the side of the road and look at me as I run by. :-) 

It has nice, new homes in pretty neighborhoods with yards I like to look at to get ideas for our yard. 

It has beautiful fields and mountains and even a working dairy at one point. 

And at the end I run by the Krishna Temple on the hill. 

(I didn't take any of these photos by the way-I borrowed them from Google)

All in all it was a great run. I was happy with everything when I finished. I know next week could be totally different and I could end up hating that run but for now I'm happy with my running again. 3 more runs and then it's race day. I'm getting excited! I'm looking forward to that awesome feeling at the end. Where you know you  did something amazing. Brenna says  "One and done" but we'll see. There's something about finishing and that feeling...I love it. I'm not a fast runner, I'm not a great runner but I do it. I get it done. That's enough for me. 

8 Miles of Hell

I tried a new recipe yesterday and I cooked today. I even have the ingredients for 2 other meals. I'm really together this week with food. I was tired of never having leftovers. And eating out too much. I was starting to feel nasty. And I knew if it was effecting me it was effecting everyone else. I also bought a watermelon and cut it up and tomorrow I'm buying a ton of grapes (they're on sale for about 1/2 price).

The new recipe I made last night was an instant favorite. Which is funny because no one was really happy about me putting cheese tortellini in. No one likes just the cheese ones. But I knew with everything else that was in it, cheese tortellini would be perfect. And it was. Next time I will need to double it though. Everyone had at least 2 helpings (even me darn it) so it went fast. It was SO easy! I love easy recipes. Not that many ingredients and easy. My favorite things.

The recipe I made tonight was one I'd made before. No one seemed to remember it but they all liked it the same. I liked it too. It was another one of those that are easy to through together. This time I added a can of diced tomatoes with green chilis. I'd put in more noodles so I needed more liquid anyway and green chilis are always a hit in my house. It's a joke when I try out a new recipe that Kim will always say "That was great but there's one thing that would have made that better." And he'll mean green chilis. He says it for everything now; even when it would be terrible!

The rest of the recipes I have are Italian Bake (aka Spaghetti casserole), is a crock pot pork roast recipe and the other is an easy stroganoff recipe in the crock pot too. I love crock pot recipes!
*****
Today was my long run with Brenna. Eight miles mapped out. Five miles down Suncrest hill-which is pretty much all downhill (a few really steep parts too). Then we were supposed to catch this canal trail that I've heard everyone in North Utah County talking about and run that for 3 miles.

I was prepared but then again I wasn't. I didn't bring water; which I knew I was going to need because we weren't even starting to run until 9:30am and I"m use to starting at 6:30am. I also didn't eat anything carb wise last night. I did that last Sunday and I swear it helped. Some people swear by it but others say it doesn't do anything. I wish I would have eaten a bunch last night-I would have known for sure today.

The main thing that really kicked my butt today was Brenna. She runs so much faster than me! I had my Garmin on and noticed we were running between a 9:00 - 9:30 mile all the way down. That's so much faster than I usually am. I'm usually 9:30 - 10:00. We ended up running the first 5 miles in 46 minutes where as it would have taken me probably 50 at the least. So I was dying by the time we hit 5 miles and waited at the light to cross the street.

The last 3 miles were terrible. I couldn't get any energy. I was hot and tired. I was thirsty and I was beat. I walked and ran and felt bad the whole time because I was holding Brenna back. I kept apologizing and she reminded me that she's run a lot longer than I have and that she hardly ever runs the whole time. But I still felt bad. I told her when we do the run she isn't to stay back with me; just go at her own pace and I'll go at mine.

The last 3 miles ended up taking 34 minutes; which was way better than I thought it would be. It was really a terrible run though. But it felt good to get it done. Plus 8 miles is quite a feet...even if I didn't run the whole thing.

I also need to remember that Brenna is 9 years younger than me. 9 years. That's quite a bit. That does make a difference I'm sure. But still I hated that I had to stop.

I'm looking forward to Saturday morning. It's my next long run. It's 9 miles and I'm doing it around here. I'll also be starting at 6:30am so I won't have to worry about it being too hot. That was such a killer! And the blacktop of the canal trail just made it worse. But that's just me whining again and giving excuses.

I couldn't do it. As much as I'd like to say it was age, or heat, or no water, or running faster than normal, the end result was I couldn't run the whole thing.

But then I look back at last year when I was training and remember how many miles I would go before I had to stop and I know I'm doing better this year. I know I am. I just need to remember that. And remember...I really do like to run. Just some days/runs are worse than others.

Gummy bears

Once again my long run had to be changed from Saturday to Monday. On Saturday I ended up chaperoning Dallin's choir group up to the University of Utah for a choir competition. They were so amazing! I was blown away by how great they sounded. I've listened to their programs before but this time they just sang with so much feeling. I was really glad I was able to go. I've had to say no to helping out all year so I felt like I really needed to make this work. It ended up being a fun and relaxing. I almost read a whole book in one day! That hasn't happened in years!

It was Mother's Day yesterday. All of my kid's told me how much they loved me. It was a nice relaxing day. Even for family dinner at my mom's I only had to bring rolls...how easy is that?! Kim helped Leah find something for me for Mother's Day. It's funny...I don't think he likes how much I talk about running and how much time I spend at the gym or running but for my Mother's Day gift he got me this running shirt. It was one he saw at the fashion show I did last month. It has these titanium dots that help let in air...I'm not quiet sure what it does but he was fascinated and wanted to see if it really worked. So he got me a shirt. He figured I could wear it for my half and be nice and cool. It should come before my next long run on Saturday, so I'll try it out then.

My long run today was amazing! I felt great the whole way. I woke up at 5:50 am to get ready to go. By the time I'd gotten ready and walked up to the starting point it was 6:25 am. I was running into town to my car (that I had left at the gym the night before). The first mile was hard-like it usually is. I try not to gauge anything by the 1st mile. Halfway through the 2nd mile there were a couple hills I wasn't looking forward to. I just put my head down, looked at the ground and plugged on. Before I knew it I was up both hills and headed down. It felt great to be able to make it up those hills without stopping. It kind of gave me this "I can do it" feeling for the rest of my run. I ended up running the whole. All 7 miles! I know I wasn't going very fast up those hills and my first mile felt very slow so I wasn't surprised when my time was an average of 10:25 per mile. I was hoping for better but I was happier about running the whole thing. No stopping at all. Not once during all 7 miles. :-) It was a great feeling.

I tried a new snack while I was running. I really want to stay away from the Gu stuff. It makes my stomach hurt and it costs a lot. I tried taking a small thing of applesauce with me last week. While I loved the taste it didn't give me any pick me up and it was a pain to carry with me. It kept coming out of my pocket the whole time. I finally ate it just to be done. This time I decided to try gummy bears. I've been reading up on alternatives to Gu and that was one (but so was the applesauce). So I put about 20 in a baggie and stuffed them in my pocket with my phone. I brought WAY too many. Ten would have been more than enough. But I have to say they were great! I loved the taste, they did give me a little bit of energy, I didn't feel sick after eating them and they actually helped me take the dry, icky feeling I usually have in my mouth. I can drink water to make it go away but hate carrying water with me (or drinking it constantly).

So gummy bears are my new long run friends. I figured 2-3 every mile after mile 4 is what works. I'm excited to try them again on Saturday for my 8 mile run. Between today's run, the 4 miler I have to do on Thursday for my training plan and the 8 miles I have scheduled for Saturday I'm going to be running quite a bit this week! I'm feeling a lot better about my half this week. I know not to be too happy...next week's run could be terrible. You just never know.

Stuck in a runt

I didn't post last week because I didn't have anything nice to say. I've really been struggling with my eating lately. I feel like I did when I first started loosing weight. I know I'm still making better choices than I did then but I'm still not being as good as I should. I'm taking second helpings more often now and we've eaten out a lot more too lately. I really need to get myself back on track but I'm having such a hard time getting out of this rut.

I weighed myself the other day...I weigh 161.5 lbs. So not cool! I've been over 160 for a couple months now. I know if I was better about what I ate I'd get below 160 pretty quick but that's the problem. I haven't been able to make myself be better about what I eat. I just eat and don't think about it. That's not good. Or I'll start the day out great, get all the way through doing great and then eat a ton right before dinner. All bad habits from before that I never got in check I guess. I need to do something, figure something out soon. It's really depressing me that I can't get my eating under control. It means I'm not in control of me...which I hate!!

I've been using My Fitness Pal lately to write down what I eat instead of Weight Watchers. I just didn't want to pay for WW anymore and wanted to try something different. I like this site and think if I was really good about following it and staying under what they say I could lose weight. I'm not good about sticking to it though; I go over my allotted calories almost every day. I'm getting use to counting calories too instead of figuring out points. It is easier to just count calories but I'm also getting use to counting them for veggies and fruits too. That's something new. I've also been watching my sodium intake (which it also tracks). I go over by a lot every single day. That's something I should probably get better at and then I wouldn't feel so bloated all the time.
******
Today was my LR. Well it was supposed to be Saturday but Friday night Kim said he'd like to go running with me Saturday morning. He said he'd like to try running at the high school track and we could take Leah with her new bicycle. I was so excited to have them both come with me so I said sure. I knew I couldn't do 6 miles (what my LR was supposed to be) on a track (that would be 24 laps) so I decided to switch Monday and Saturday. Saturday I did 3.5 miles and today I did 6.

Leah ended up doing really great at the track. She road her bike around probably a mile or more.  She was so red faced and tired when she finished! She had to go to the bathroom about half way through. Kim had walk/run  1.5 miles and was about done so he took Leah around the outside of the school to find an open door. There were cars in the parking lot so he knew he'd be able to get her inside somewhere. I kept running while they went around. When they came back I only had 2 more laps so Kim took Leah up the stairs of the stands to give her something to do while I finished. The last half of my last lap I ran as fast as I could (without falling). It felt amazing while I was doing it but I could only do it for that short time and I wanted to fall on the ground when I was done! But it felt good while I was doing it

Today I set out to do my 6 miles and knew it was going to be bad. Leah was at the gym daycare so I could run around Salem. I figured there wouldn't be as many hills. I mapped something out on my Nook and then started running. The main problem was it was really windy today. And on top of that it was 65 degrees by 9am. So when the wind wasn't in my face pushing against me then the sun was beating down on my face. I had to walk 3 separate times which really ticked me off. But I tried to make them as short as possible. I ended up doing 5.85 miles in 62 minutes-about a 10:30 mile. Last year I would have been happy with my run but this year I was pretty down about it.

As I was running I was thinking about how bad this run was and how great my 5 miler last week felt. And last week's LR was in the rain! And a lot of uphills! But for some reason it was an amazing run. I did the whole thing without stopping with a time of about 9:40 a mile. I felt crazy running in the rain but was so glad I'd done it when I finished. Today when I was running I just wanted to be done. I hated it. I had no energy. Everything bothered me. I felt like I couldn't go another step and I wanted to walk the whole thing. I tried to remind myself that I have bad runs and good runs. Today was a bad one, last time was a good one. Next week may be great or it could be awful. I don't know. But I try to remind myself I'll have a good one again one of these days.

I just keep trying to remind myself where I was last year at this time with running. Or even were I was 2 years ago at this time with running. I know I've made progress; I just need to remember that when I'm struggling to finish 1 straight mile!

So close...so very close

I tried a new recipe for brownies this weekend. It was a flourless recipe which really sounded interesting. Plus it used PB2. I had some of that for a year now and haven't used it once. So I thought why not. Well they really weren't that great. They were almost spongy and didn't have that cake like taste of regular brownies. The PB2 didn't make it very peanut buttery either like I thought it would. I mean I've eaten 3 so it's not like they were so bad I didn't want to eat them but they weren't the greatest. Actually Stephan and Dallin hated them. I wouldn't say they were that bad (like I said I ate 3 in one day) but I probably won't be making them again. It's interesting...I think that was the first recipe I made from that website that I didn't love. Everything else has been amazing! 

I started my half marathon training last Monday (the 14th). I do Crossfit on Tuesdays and Fridays, short runs on Mondays and Thursdays and my long run on Saturday's. My short runs are 3 miles last week and this week. 3 miles is nice. Easy enough to get in early in the mornings; even if it means running on the treadmill one of those days. My long run was 4 miles. Each week it will go up until I hit 12 miles the week before the race. For my long run this week I decided I wanted to try to get better at running up hill. The one way to do that around here is to master Elk Ridge Drive. That's the long 2 mile road from the State Road to Elk Ridge City. The main problem with it is it's steep. It's a gentle hill at first but then the last mile is harder; with the last half a mile being the worst. Most of the elevation is gained in the last half mile. In the winter it's where the snow line hits...that's how much of an elevation change there is! 

Anyway I parked at the school which is at the half way mark up the road. I was going to run up to the top (1 mile), run down (2 miles) and then run back up to the school (1 mile). I figured I'd run the worst part first  instead of last. One of these days, if I start doing out and back runs it may be last but to start with I just wanted to be able to finish it. So I took on the hardest part first and believe me it felt hard. Right away. I made it to about 3/4 of the mile up. I could see the top of the road, the top of the hill but I just couldn't go any further. I was so mad but at the same time happy with as far as I made it. So I walked the rest of the 1/4 mile to the top. I turned around and ran the 2 miles down. I haven't run that road in a while and forgot about how steep it can be at times. I also forgot about how busy it is, even at 7am on a Saturday. There's no sidewalk or even side of the road so when cars come you have to run in the dirt. I hate that, worry all the time I'm going to step in a hole or something but what are going to do. Anyway, I made it down the hill and felt spent. I wondered if there was any way I could turn around and run that last mile up the hill to my car. I really was worried but I turned around at the bottom and started running back up. 

Like I said, it's a gradual uphill at the bottom so it didn't seem so bad at first. After awhile I started getting tired. I could feel my legs hurting already. Just about then a song came on; one I like, one that has a great beat and I just started focusing on the song. I focused on the song so much that it almost seemed like my legs got into the rhythm. Like they weren't a part of me anymore they were doing their own thing. And they were carrying me up  the road to the school. I made it to the school with no problem. When I finished I was so happy!! Even with walking 1/4 mile at the beginning I still felt good about the rest of the run. I'm getting so much better at running hills! My total time was 41 minutes for 4 miles. Not the best time but good when you realize the first mile took me 13 minutes. :-) 

I was really happy. And I wondered when I was going to get a chance to take a stab at that road again. I'm going to beat it one of these days. I'm going to win. It may be slow going up, but one day I will run the whole way up Elk Ridge Drive. And you know what? I know I will because I've come this far already. 

2 1/2 years ago I was over 220 lbs and could barely walk a mile without getting winded. I've come a long way. 

Fashion Show

Well Friday was the fashion show. I was so worried about it! The night before I didn't sleep well at all. I just kept thinking about how my arms and legs were going to look to everyone. Friday morning I went to the gym and worked my butt off. It was like a last ditch effort to tone my arms and legs. I'd been working out those areas the last couple weeks but thought maybe I could do a little more that morning. When I got home I made the mistake of getting on the scale. 161.5 lbs! I was so upset. I know I haven't been that great with counting my calories (I've been going over a little every day) but I didn't think I'd been doing that bad! And I'd been running and working out every day. I felt deflated. I felt like "why even try". And it showed in my food choices the rest of the day. I wasn't the best eater that day at all.

Come 5:30 it was time to go to the running shop for the show. My stomach hurt. I kept trying to tell myself it would be fine and I wish I'd listened because it really was. I went there, they took me in the back, showed me what I'd be wearing (capri's and a short sleeve shirt-perfect), found me some shoes and then I sat in this room with the other "models". They were all really nice. Very down to earth people. No one was totally thin and trim and "the perfect body". It was so nice! Just normal every day runners. A few of them were talking about runs they'd done the last weekend and ones that were coming up the next day. It was fun to listen to. A whole room of runners! I just sat and listened. Then when the time came all we had to do was walk do the isle, get up on this stool, show our clothes, then get down and walk out. It was easy and there were only about 20 people there which made it even easier.

Afterwards Kim and I went out to dinner (Leah was staying the night with Karen). I was on cloud nine! I was so happy I'd put myself out there and said yes to that. It really a lot of fun and I enjoyed being out of my comfort zone for just a big. Plus the free stuff we got for doing it was a really nice long sleeve running shirt and running socks. I was really excited for the running socks. I'd wanted some but never could spend $12 on one pair of socks. I couldn't wait to try them out. I wasn't planning on running Saturday but with the new shirt and socks I really wanted to!

That night after dinner we stopped at got some frozen yogurt. I decided this was going to be my last day for going overboard with my food. Starting tomorrow I would really give counting calories a chance. I would see if I stayed on track could I loose weight this way. And it meant counting fruits and veggies too. So I ate my Chinese food and my frozen yogurt with a little more appreciation of what I was eating-knowing the next day I would be back on track.

Saturday morning Kim and I slept in until 8am. He got up to do some things and I put my new running stuff on. I decided to do a 4 mile run with some hills in it. Bad hills at the end too but that was the challenge of it! I drove to the spot, walked the 1/4 mile to the where I wanted to start and took off. Well about 2 miles into it I thought I was going to die! My body felt so heavy! All the terrible food choices I'd made the day before felt like they were all in a backpack on my back weighing me down. I decided again I needed to get back on track and eat better. I could have bad foods (aka fast food) but I needed to cut it back (we were going out a lot lately) and watch what else I ate before and after the fast food.

I ended up walking around 2.50 miles. I walked a couple blocks and then took off again. I hated how heavy I felt. And also my long sleeves were going to be the death of me! It was warm already at 8:30 am...a lot warmer than I thought. When I rounded the last corner I was coming up on the last 3/4 mile and the hardest part. I made it up probably 80% of the hill on that road. I stopped twice-once for 1 minute and once for 1.5 minutes. I was determined to run up the hill as much as I could and I did.

I was really happy about my run. And I was feeling really good about counting calories; about being able to stay on track. And I have. Saturday I was under, yesterday I was only off by about 50 and today I've kept on track too. I have a meeting today and they usually feed us dinner so I've already figured out my points for that meal (they feed us pretty much the same thing each time). I even left some wiggle room.

My run this morning was great too. I slept in and then took Leah to the gym daycare around 10am and ran around Salem. It felt so good to run in the morning, after I'd had some time to walk around and get stretched out. My time was good even with some hills and some uphill roads. I'm down to a 10 minute mile-less than that if it's mostly downhill. I want so bad to beat my last half marathon time but really I'm just excited about training again and maybe getting back into shape. Today was day 1 of my 10 week training. Day 1 down...many more to go. :-)

Hiking the Y & making memories

I think if I could I would run outside every day instead of doing any other kind of exercise. I really like running outside. Unfortunately it's usually dark when I exercise in the morning. I can run on Saturday mornings but usually that's the only morning I can. This week I've taken a few days off for Spring Break and Kim decided to take today off too. So this morning I didn't wake up until 7am to exercise...and it felt great! I walked to the top of Elk Ridge and then ran down and around town some. I tried to do as much downhill but I tried to be careful so I wouldn't have massive amounts of uphill when I was done. I ran uphill a few times and was happy with myself for making it as much as I did. I really hate running uphill but I need to get better at it.

I felt good pretty much the whole run (was a little over 3 miles of running and just under 1 mile of walking total). It was nice. And the sun was up so I could see the valley while I ran...It was just really nice. I was thinking how nice it would be to be able to get up at 7am every morning and run. :-) I think I could get use to it. But unfortunately I have to work Wednesday and Friday and even though I've taken Thursday off too I won't be able to run because Kim will be at work. Since schools out I'm thinking of sleeping in again (woot woot) and then going over to the school track with Leah around 9 or 10 am. Then I can run around the track and up and down the bleachers. I can bring Leah's ball and tricycle so she has something to do. We'll have to see.

Yesterday was the only day that Stephan, Dallin and I could do something without Leah. I'd been wanting to do something with them for awhile but it never seems to work out. Yesterday it finally did. So we dropped Leah off at Kim's work and then the boys and I went to hike the Y trail. The Y trail is on the mountain to the east of BYU. It's only 2.4 miles total (up and back) but it's hard! It's really steep and there's about 11 switchbacks. We all wanted to see if exercising helped make the hike not so hard. Well after only 1 switchback I wanted to die! My legs were killing me and I was breathing hard. We stopped here and there (about ever other switchback), caught our breath, let our legs stop burning and then continued to the top. It was a hard hike! Way harder than I remembered...but it's been about 7 years since I've done that hike. Maybe longer. The view from the top was amazing. The boys kept saying how beautiful the view was as we were hiking.

One thing I did notice during the hike was that even though I had to stop for breaks and even though I was breathing heavy while we were hiking, when we stopped I recovered really quick. My legs weren't sore at all today either, even with my run this morning. I think exercising really helped with that. I really did think it would be easier after exercising 5-6 days a week but it still kicked my butt. I liked how quickly I recovered though. That make it really nice.

I loved getting out with my boys. Just being able to hang out with them. When Leah's around it's hard to have a conversation. She interrupts and wants to be a part of everything. I miss just being able to hang out and talk with them. It doesn't happen much at all. So yesterday was a treat. I appreciated my time with them and loved every minute of it. Next year Dallin will be graduating and going on a mission. Stephan could find a friend and move out any time. So I really, really appreciate memories like yesterday.

Afterwards we ate at El Azteca; hands down my favorite Mexican restaurant. I had a Fajita Scramble: potato, scrambled egg, chicken, onions, red/green peppers, cotija cheese and green sauce. It was AMAZING! I'm trying to pick something new and different every time I go there and I haven't been upset with any of my picks yet. This one came with 3 homemade corn tortillas. I ate WAY more than I should of but I was hungry from the hike and it was so good. The flavors in their food...just amazing! Dallin had carne asada nachos and Stephan had a carne asada burrito. Both liked their food a ton and almost finished all of their food-which says a lot because both of their orders were huge!

All in all it was a nice time. I really love my boys. They have grown into great young men that I'm proud of. Good friends, dependable, happy and for everything they've been through-really well adjusted! Not sure how much of it had to do with me or if it's just them coming of age. Either way I had a great time.

Feeling like a newbie

This last week I've started counting calories instead of doing WW. It's been really interesting. While I like it, there are things I really don't like about it at all. My main complaint: You have to count fruit and veggies. When I eat a banana it counts against my calories for the day. An apple too. And asparagus.  I don't think that's right. It would have kept me from eating those things when I was first starting to lose weight. So I've been kind of not counting them (only the ones I knew were 0 pts for WW). Other than that it's been really interesting to see how many calories I actually eat a day. And how much total sodium, carbs and sugar I eat daily. Very interesting.

I start training for my half marathon a week from tomorrow. I'm kind of dreading it but looking forward to it at the same time. I know how great I felt when I was training last summer. It was nice to have this plan in place, to know exactly what you're doing everyday and to be exercising so much. But at the same time I know how hard those 10 mile runs are. Or how hard it is at 5am to get a 4 mile run in. Or how much I missed CrossFit. Although right now I'm feeling kind of tired of CrossFit. I don't want to stop because I know how good it is for me to stay in shape but it will be nice to have something else to do.

My run with Brenna reminded me how much I liked the long runs. How nice it was to finish a run and think "Wow that was better than I thought." I'm excited to find new long run routes. To try to challenge myself and see if I can actually beat my last race time. That will be really hard because this route isn't as downhill as my first one so I'm going to have to train more for a regular route with some hills.

My run with Brenna also made me SO SORE! I was amazed. I thought for sure I'd run enough downhill that it wouldn't hurt. But that was 4 miles straight down with 1 mile after. I've been running Goosenest lately which is up and down. Then, to make matters worse, the next morning I did CrossFit. It was April Fool's Day and we thought the workout was a joke but it wasn't.

3 Rounds
Run 800m (2 laps/half mile)
30 kettlebells (2 0lbs)
30 burpees

It took me forever to do this and it hurt before I even finished. To make things EVEN worse I did some extra arm workouts. All that day I kept feeling so sore. By the next morning I could barely walk. So I had to take a day off from working out. I probably should have taken a day off Tuesday morning. Then I wouldn't have been so sore. But it reminded me of when I started working out and how sore I was all the time. To me that's a reminder that I'm using some part of my body that I don't usually use. I'm getting muscles in that area. I'm OK with that. I need all the help I can get.

Friday is my "fashion show." I'm excited but scared. I don't have to wear shorts. They'll have capris for me to wear under my shorts or I have a pair I'm bringing (in case they don't). I think it will be fun but I've been trying to do extra arm workouts so maybe my arms wouldn't be as flabby. I have a lot of extra skin on my arms, legs and stomach. I know that it will never go away but I'd like to get rid of it somewhat.

So Friday will be TOTALLY out of my element but it will be fun too. I'm looking forward to it...at the same time I'm worried about it. :-) Well just have to see how it goes.

Hiking, running and very little cooking

The title pretty much sums up my last week. I couldn't even remember if I cooked at all last week! It really had to think hard. Then I remembered I made a bunch of dinners in a row at the end of last week. Four to be exact. And I had enough leftovers I haven't cooked since last Monday! We made homemade pizzas one night which turned out really well. I'm trying different dough each time I make them to see which is easiest and tastes the best. I loved putting my own toppings on. We each made our own personal pizza so we could put what we wanted on it. Then I made Sloppy Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. They were a hit. We didn't go through as much meat as we usually do so we were able to have leftovers quite a few days. I made a sloppy joe quesadilla one night that was AMAZING! I never realized sloppy joe meat was so versatile. But I'm just started liking it again. When I was pregnant with Leah I got so sick to my stomach making sloppy joes and I haven't been able to eat them since. I think the ones I made when I was pregnant were very tomato-y. Which you'd think I would like since I love tomatoes but I guess I don't like really tomato-y sloppy joes.

I made a couple other things but I can't remember what they were now. Good but nothing great.

So last Friday Kim took me away for our anniversary. He had it all planned and I didn't even know where we were going when we left. All I knew was we were bringing our cameras so I was happy. We ended up going to Antelope Island. It amazing! I loved every minute of it. Even the minutes when I was freezing cold after the sun went down. I loved those too. :-) I took some great pictures that I can't wait to share and had a great time with my wonderful husband. I kept thinking how wonderful he was; putting together all of this, hoping I would like it And I did. We had so much fun. We tried to get up and to the next morning for some sunrise shots but it was cloudy as could be. So we went back to the hotel, ate all the free breakfast we could and then took a 2 hour nap. It was GREAT! Just want we needed.

I loved when I was hiking around that I didn't feel winded or tired when we hiked. I did later that night and the next morning but while I was lugging around my 40 lb camera bag I was OK. I was hiking up the mountain fine...and I loved that! It made me feel so good. Made getting up at 4:40 am 5 days a week worth it.

Today was a good day too. Not as great as taking amazing photos and seeing a bison for the first time in real life up close...but still good.

Today was the day Brenna and I decided to run down Suncrest Mountain. It was a 5 mile run pretty much all downhill. Brenna wanted to try doing some downhill since she doesn't have a ton where she runs. We both start training soon so we figured this would be fun to try. It really was fun. I still like to run alone but it was nice to have someone there-even if we didn't talk to each other. I have to have music on when I run. I HATE the sound of myself breathing! It reminds me how hard running actually is! But it was nice to have her there. Time went really fast. And at the end, that last mile, I really wanted to stop. I wanted to walk. But Brenna seemed to be doing great and was still running so I figured I'd just continue on until she said she wanted to walk. She never said that and we got down to the very bottom of the road and stopped at the crosswalk (we'd parked across the street). We'd run the whole thing. Brenna said later she'd wanted to stop but I seemed to be doing well and seemed to want to continue so she figured she'd continue. Funny huh. If either of us had said something the other would have stopped. But since we weren't talking we just ran. Which I guess was good since we ended up making it all the way down the mountain.

It was a beautiful view some of the way (some of it was right next to mountains so you couldn't see anything).

It was kind of cold but before we were halfway down I was taking off my first layer. My gloves lasted a little while longer but ended up coming off too. Brenna was impressed I could take off my sweatshirt and wrap it around my waist while I was running. :-) I do it pretty much every week I run. I hate to get too hot when I run. Makes things very uncomfortable I don't like being too cold either but this morning was perfect. Perfect weather, perfect run, perfect everything. The pace was good, there was a wide sidewalk most of the way down, not windy, not too many cars...It was a great run.

I'm a little sore in my hips but I haven't done that much of a downhill in awhile. Plus I was just hiking around Friday so that might have helped with the soreness today. All in all it was great. I felt great the whole time and had to map it again with my car mileage tracker because it went by so quick. 5 miles. We did it in just under 50 minutes which I love. My miles are getting faster.

I signed up today for the American Fork Canyon Half Marathon on June 21st. Brenna is signing up tonight too. I'm excited. Now this one only has about 7-8 miles downhill, the rest is most flat with a little uphill. So I need to make sure I train like that. My last one was almost all downhill so this will be different. But I'm excited. I know I can do it which makes it more enjoyable.

Can you believe I'm use the words fun, enjoyable and love combined with running!?

I told Brenna when I was hiking on Antelope Island I slipped. My first thought was "I can't fall and hurt myself. I have a big run Monday."

Her reply: "You know you're a runner when..."

he, he, he
I'm a runner.

Finally

I didn't write last week. I didn't feel like I had anything good to write. I felt like I was in the same spot that I'd been in for a few weeks and didn't really want to put that in writing. Plus I hadn't made my goal for my work weight loss program. I was feeling bluh. Not as tired as I had been (I actually felt like i had a bit more energy) but just felt down. When I realized I hadn't written anything and why I hadn't written I had to laugh. This blog is pretty much for me...so when I don't write because I don't want to put in writing how I"m feeling it makes me laugh. I already know what I"m thinking! But putting it in writing is different I guess. Makes it more real.

So anyway I decided I needed to do something. I ended up buying new running shoes last Monday. I love them!

They're brighter than I'd wanted but after seeing some of the other shoes these aren't that bad. I didn't really get to pick the color...I was going more for price (cheapest I could get is what I told the guy). The salesman was really helpful. Gave me some pointers and really made me feel like I belonged in a running store getting real running shoes. I still feel weird calling myself a runner. I don't have the "runner" body (slim and trim) and I don't run fast. But I run...I guess that's what I need to remember. I run; and I love it.

The salesman said to take it easy, no long runs for a couple weeks. It took a little getting use to when I first started walking in them. The heal doesn't have as much of a...a lift (i can't remember how he put it) so felt different. But when I wore them the next day for Crossfit I loved that my foot was more flat. My other shoes it felt like my heal was higher. So with these shoes my balance was better when doing squats and stuff like that.

Even with buyer's guilt (they're more expensive than any shoes I've ever bought!) I felt really good about my purchase. I was really excited to run on Saturday with them. See if it felt any different. That kind of helped boast my mood. Then the next evening I was ready FaceBook and there was a post from Runner's Corner (the place I bought my shoes). It said they were doing an April fashion show and looking for people to show of their new clothes. They said they were looking for anyone. I started thinking "this would be something different for me. Something to maybe push me back into getting into shape again." So I sent them a message telling them I'd love to be one of their "models" but warned them I wasn't a young, skinny runner. They wrote back and said they'd love to have me. That they love having regular, everyday people; that runners are just skinny people. So I'm doing it. It's April 11th and I may have to wear shorts! I'm not too sure about that part but figure I'll worry about it when the time comes.

It's really changed my whole mood about eating right and exercising though. I'm amazed at what just one little thing will do. Well it's kind of a big thing but not really. I don't think there will be a ton of people, it's a small store and it's mostly runners that go. But that one thing...signing up for that...changed my whole outlook. I felt that "I can do this" attitude come back. I talked with Deb at the gym to get some extra workouts that I can do to help with my problem areas. From loosing so much weight I have extra skin on my legs, arms and stomach. I've toned those areas quite a bit already but need some help to get them a little more toned. I mean if I have to wear shorts...or heaven help me a sleeveless shirt...I want to be more toned. And tan. I need to wear shorts or something and put my legs out in the sun so I'm not completely white!

Another thing was my work weight loss program. I sent them an email on Wednesday telling them I hadn't made my weight loss goal. I told them I was OK with that because I'm happy where I am. I've maintained better than I ever have. I'm pretty happy with where I am and thanked them for all the help they were for me during the process. They wrote me back, said I actually had until the end of the month and they had permission to let me weigh in at 156.8 instead of 154.8. SOOOO even though it means loosing two pounds in the next week. It's amazing though, it's really been one of those things that kicks me into gear around.

Take for instance Sunday's. I usually eat all day long. Today I haven't. I've been pretty good at watching what I eat. And I feel good. I don't feel like I'm missing food. I feel better about myself since I didn't eat everything in sight. I think I might be able to do this. It's worth a try at least! So I'm trying.

It feels good to be back.

Best and Worst

This week I've tried 3 new recipes again and have just loved them all. The first one was Slow Cooked Sweet Barbacoa Pork. My family went crazy over this one. It was really sweet but the chipotle chile with adobe sauce really added a great flavor to the pork. I had it in a salad and a small burrito (it was so good). Everyone else made burritos with theirs. Dallin made nachos today with leftovers and that worked too. I think I put more of the chiles in and I used whole canned green chiles that I cut into small stirps-which I thought added a nice touch of color and taste.

The second was a recipe I liked because it was so easy to throw together. It was one of those 30 minute type meals. Plus I had everything it needed which was great. I'm trying to not spend anymore money than I really need to. Anyway, this recipe was One Pot Mexican Skillet. I used shells instead of elbow macaroni and I used ground turkey. I think this was one recipe where you really couldn't taste the ground turkey. It was liked way more than I thought it would be. I thought of it as just a homemade Hamburger Helper but my family really liked it.

The last one I made tonight because I had almost a full can of chipotle chiles in adobe sauce that needed to be used. I LOVE anything that www.skinnytaste.com has on her website so I just googled her web site to see what else she'd made with those chiles. I found Crock Pot Chicken Enchilada Soup. I ended up doubling the amount of adobe chile I used and used diced tomatoes with green chiles instead of just plain diced tomatoes. It turned out just a little too spicy. I was fine with a little sour cream (light) mixed in but if it sits in the fridge for a few days it's going to be hot!! Everyone liked it and I'd make it again but it didn't get the "This is Great!" like the other two did.

*****

I still haven't been the best about eating. I'm now up to 161 lbs. 5 lbs from where I want to be and 7 lbs up from where my work program wants me to be. I'm not happy at all with where I am. I can feel it in a my clothes; I can see it when I look at myself...but so far I haven't found that push to make me start eating better again. I know I have to get back on track but it's so hard!! I'm trying to at least track what I eat each day and write it all down but I haven't even been that great about doing that! I've been so tired, so out of it, just so...blah. Then the other day I noticed my hair felt weird. Like it felt more course, it wouldn't sit down like it use to, it was being really weird. I talked with a couple people at the gym Thursday and discovered they'd both had the same type of problems. The main thing they both said: I need to be taking daily vitamins. At the least a multivitamin, if not more. They both said with my age (they're a few years older than I am) and with the amount of exercise I do I need to have something more in my diet.

So today I bought a bottle of daily vitamins for women. I hope this helps at least a little bit. I'm really tired of feeling the way I've felt. I have no desire to do anything. I'm tired. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep all the time. I'm short with everyone. I want to eat everything in site. It's like PMS but it's constant. And my hair is just bugging the heck out of me!

Exercise is getting harder too. The reason I started talking to Deb and Casey at the gym was because I made a comment about how I felt like I was getting slower instead of getting faster. And I do feel like that right now. Today was a perfect example. It was sunny and around 50 degrees so I did an afternoon run today. I decided to run all the way into a gas station in Payson and have Kim pick me up (we needed gas in one of the cars anyway). I thought the run would be around 5 miles and it would have some small and med hills in it.

Let's just say it was an awful run. My legs hurt, my feet hurt, I felt exhausted the whole time and I stopped to walk. Twice. The second time was to watch for traffic as I crossed a large street but I really didn't need to (it was totally clear). By the time I finished my run I was defeated. I felt like I'd never run a day in my life...like this was my first long run ever. I was so mad. And to make it all better (not) it only ended up being 4.5 miles not 5 like I thought. Now the one good thing out of all of this was my time believe it or not. Even with the two stops (really the second one was so short but it was a stop) my time was 40 minutes. That means my mile is down under 10 minutes on avg. I'm OK with that. But then I started the "well how fast could I have done it if I hadn't of walked?" talking in my head and putting myself down for that.

Anyway, it's over and done with. It was a bad run. One of the worst I've had in a long time. I need to get myself back together. I've started the vitamins and hope they help. I need new shoes too. My toes were really hurting by the end. I'm sure it would feel better during the run to have shoes that were newer. I also know that even though this was a bad run there have been good ones; and great ones. I know I can have that again because I've had it before. But boy was this a bummer today. Kind of made my whole "down on myself for the last couple weeks" even worse. I just need to figure out what's up with me and get back. Get back to the me I was last summer. I felt the best then. That's my goal. Now to just do it.

Not the best at eating

Lately I'm had kind of a problem with what I eat. The problem is I'm not making the best choices. I'm eating too much and I'm eating stuff that really isn't that good for me.

Today for example:
Breakfast - 2 McDonald's sausage burritos with 1/2 a hash brown and an apple
Lunch - 2 slices of french bread w/butter, a small salad w/Italian dressing and spinach ravioli's with asparagus and Parmesan cheese
Dinner - Chick Fil A grilled chicken sandwich, 1/2 med waffle fries, Lemonade and a small choc/vanilla swirl cone (from Macey's)

That's a lot of food for one day. Plus I ate out all 3 meals. I know that's not good for me. I keep wondering why I haven't gotten any closer to my goal weight. Maybe because I've been eating like this lately. It kills me when I think about it but at the time I'm enjoying the food. I tried to make ok choices (getting the grilled sandwich and having mustard as the only condiment or spinach ravioli's instead of big plate full of pasta) but it was a lot of eating out and a lot of food.

I'm 5lbs from my goal weight. I have 2 weeks to weigh in. I'm not going to make it. It kind of upsets me but I don't have anyone to blame buy myself. I'm the one that's not making good choices. It's been really hard lately and I'm not sure why. I've been really tired this week which could be helping the problem. When I"m tired I tend to not think ahead as well or prepare or think things through when it comes to food. I think I'm trying to get sick but I just can't seem to either get sick or make it go away.

On a side note this was my workout for the day:

1st Round                       2nd Round
Row 600m                     Run 400m
60 sit ups                       30 sit ups
6 burpees                       5 burpees
60 push ups                    30 push ups
6 burpees                       5 burpees
Row 600m                     Run 400m
30 push press (15lbs)     15 push press (15lbs)
6 burpees                       5 burpees
30 air squats                  15 air squats
6 burpees                      5 burpees
Row 600m                    Run 400m

We did the first workout but it was really short so we did the second one to make getting up at 4:30 am worth it. The first workout took me about 16 mins; the second about 14 mins. I was exhausted when I was done. I actually ran another lap when I was done with the 2nd Round to finish up a mile. I'm trying to run at least a mile each time I go to the gym-whether it's part of the workout or not.

Looking at those workouts...if I actually watched what I ate I could loose weight. I'm working my butt off at the gym. I wish I could kick myself back into gear with my eating choices. I really do.

A week of cooking

Tonight was meal #2 for the week. It wasn't anything special or exceptionally healthy but something my family loves. It was ham and funeral potatoes. Well, I do my funeral potatoes a little different. I make them with green chiles and I use fat free or low fat sour cream. That's about as healthy as I get. Green chiles are in probably 75% of all the recipes I make...maybe even more. It's something that's easy to add to so many things and it adds just a slight flavor that's really good.

Anyway, that was tonight. For a veggie I made roasted asparagus (EVOO, salt, pepper, roasted in the oven @ 400 for 20 minutes). It's so easy and liked by most of the family. Plus right now asparagus is pretty cheap. That's kind of how I shop for veggies and fruits...what ever's on sale. When asparagus is $4.99 a pound we don't have it. When apples are $1.40 a pound or more we don't have them. It's too expensive for as many people as I feed to buy stuff when it's that much.

The next 3 nights I have 3 other meals I'm looking forward to. Tomorrow's I already put together and it's in the fridge waiting to go in the oven tomorrow night. I love being able to come home and stick something in the oven-or better yet have one of the boys put it in so it's hot and ready when we get home. But right now Dallin's at rugby practice until 6:30 and Stephan leaves for school at 4:30 or 5:00 so I'm usually the one putting it in the oven. Which is fine. As long as I don't have to come home and cook right after working 9 hours I'm good.

So what are my 3 other recipes you ask? Well let me tell you. I'm pretty excited about them all; they're all pretty much new recipes. Tomorrow's is a recipe I've used before but I'm changing it up. It's Enchilada Pasta Casserole. Last time I made it everyone loved it just how the recipe is written but this time I'm going to use chicken instead of ground beef and green sauce instead of red sauce. Plus I use wheat noodles which isn't called for. Last time I did that and everyone made a face-until they ate it. Then they didn't mind the wheat noodles. There's some recipes that it actually tastes better in.

So that's tomorrow, then Wednesday I'm making Santa Fe Turkey Stuffed Peppers. I've made stuffed peppers a couple times but this is a new recipe. Plus it's with turkey which is always harder. Kim isn't really into ground turkey. He thinks it's bland. So I have to work hard to use the right seasonings (and amounts of seasonings) to give it lots of flavor. I'm hoping the peppers will help that also. We're having that Wednesday night because it will just be us and Leah eating. Stephan will be at school, Dallin will be at a choir program and Nate is usually in Salt Lake (although Nate eats pretty much everything). My boys aren't huge stuffed peppers fans so it's a good night to make them.

Thursday is one we're all looking forward to. It's Slow Cooker French Dip Sandwiches. Everyone loves French Dip sandwiches but I've never tried to make them. Doing it in the slow cooker sounds great! It'll cook all day so all I have to do is come home, get the onions and peppers ready and strain the juice (for dipping). I really hope this one turns out since they're looking so forward to it.

So that's my list of the week. I should have enough leftovers to not have to cook Friday and Saturday. Sunday should be a family dinner with Kim's family so we'll eat over there. I'm really hoping that some of these recipes give us leftovers too. Last night's only gave us 1 helping of leftovers (which Kim took to work since I worked from home most of the day today) but that might have been because a couple people had 3 helpings! But I love that. That means they liked it. Plus I love having Kim come home from work and tell me how much he loved the leftovers for lunch too. I love it when you get one of those recipes that just knocks it out of the park. :-) That makes me happy.

Like I've said before, food is how I show love. It's how I was raised. It's in me. But now I just try to make what I'm giving my family healthy...for the most part. I mean the box mix brownies I cooked up last night and fed my boys weren't the best things ever, but they loved them and it was quick and easy. It's fine here and there-just not every night! I cringe when I think we use to have dessert every night. Man what a lot of money and calories. Now we have apples or bananas or if they're really hungry a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-on wheat bread. :-)

Stephan told me today he doesn't mind sandwiches on the wheat bread I buy. He said it's good and soft still so he doesn't care that it's wheat. Plus he knows it's good for him and he wants to be healthy. He figures he doesn't make the best picks when it comes to food when he's eating out so he knows at least what he gets at home will be healthy. Dallin's said pretty much the same thing (although with rugby, he's trying to make better choices when he's out too). I like hearing that. It makes me feel better about making this change. It makes me feel like maybe I am making an impact on them in a good way.

Cajun Chicken

This week I'm planning ahead and have recipes for 5 dinners. I figured out what recipes yesterday morning and then went grocery shopping. I spent $65 and still need to buy a ham tomorrow. It seems like a lot but when I think about it even $75 (if the ham costs $10) for a family of 6 to eat for 5 days isn't bad. I had some stuff at home already though so it probably would have been closer to $100 if I had to buy everything single ingredient. Still not bad for a family of 6 for 5 dinners.

Tonight I made Cajun Chicken Pasta. It was SO GOOD! I really liked the slight spice and loved the taste the bell peppers gave the dish. I have to say I was expecting more heat when I took my first bite; I put a lot of Cajun spice in it. I even put in some cayenne to add a little extra kick. I didn't use scallions and I only used red peppers. Yellow would have added some more color but they cost so much more. Red usually does too but they were on sale. Oh and I used white onions instead of red onions. They ended up looking just like the noodles in the end which was nice since my family aren't big onion people.

I loved that it was healthy too. It makes me feel good to cook food that I know is good for my family. And when they like what I make....that's just icing on the cake.
****
I ran yesterday. I really like that the weather has been nice enough to have Saturday runs. I decided to run Goosenest again to the Peteetneet museum in Payson. It was only 3.76 miles I realized last week after I ran it. It kind of upset me all last week that I didn't go a full 4 miles and that I stopped for that one block. So this week I decided to do the same run but to run around the block at the end. I knew that would give me just over the 4 miles I wanted.

When I started out it was beautiful and sunny outside or so I thought. I put on short sleeves and left my light pull over and gloves at home. After about 1/4 mile I was kind of wishing I'd brought one of those two things. While it was sunny and beautiful it was also crisp and a little breezy. The "breeze" ended up being against me most of the run. I really thought about quitting most of the 2nd mile. I figured with the breeze against me I'd have a good reason to quit. I didn't end up walking though. I knew I'd be angry at myself for doing it. But believe me I thought about it a bunch that second mile. Sometimes I have to just make it to the next "thing". Whether it be the next stop sign or intersection or mail box, I just tell myself to make it to that mark and then I'll decide then whether to stop or how much further to go. Usually when I get to that spot I'm OK enough to keep going to the next one and then the next one. I'll continue that for awhile, usually until I realize I've done that for a mile or more and I might as well just finish the run. :-)

Whatever it takes some runs! The last 2 blocks were all uphill which was really hard but I was glad it ended that way. I really want to get better at running uphill. It really is terrible that I've stayed away from hills so much but maybe I needed to get better at running in general before trying the hard stuff-like running uphill. Man man lia.

Veggie

I haven't been as good about cooking ahead of time lately. I got really burnt out on cooking so much all in one day and haven't looked forward to doing it again. I need to do it again though because I'm not as good about what I eat if I don't plan ahead.

I threw some boneless pork ribs in the crock-pot the other night with some BBQ sauce. When it was done there was a little bit of sauce so I made some noodles to go with it. I didn't want to eat a bunch of noodles and pork so I decided to make roasted of veggies. At an Ashby family dinner last year Kim's sister made Roasted Carrots. We fell in love with them and made them for our boys one dinner. All the boys like them and Leah even ate them. Then during the summer I found this recipe. They were amazing!! Kim and I devoured them like candy! After that we realized you could probably do that with an veggie...so we've tried. We use just enough olive oil to cover the veggies and then add whatever herbs sound good with that veggie and then me roast them in the oven. I haven't found one I dislike yet. Last week for my family's family dinner my mom made roasted sweet potatoes. I HATE sweet potatoes-never liked them. But those...roasted...I love them! This is my go to way to make veggies.

Another way I get my family to eat veggies lately...? Veggie straws. They're like chips but they're shaped like straws and are vegetable flavors (spinach, sweet potato, etc). I love them and most of my family does too. Leah will eat them like chips which is what I like about them. Costco had them on sale this last month so I bought a bag. I find myself eating them quite a bit.

I need to find something healthy to eat since I've been eating out a lot lately. It's because I didn't cook meals ahead. Boy that's makes such a huge difference with how healthy I eat! I need to buy some quinoa so I can make some recipes with that. Plus I need to buy some more bagged salad and fat free Italian dressing. Those were staples for me last year. I always had salad around. It's nice to eat when I don't know what I want but need to eat healthy. Oh and apples. I LOVE apples. They're like candy to me. Hard to believe. I mean I've always liked apples but now I love them. Actually love them. A good crisp, juicy apple is the best!

Oh before I forget here was today's workout:
3 Rounds
Row 500 m
30 sec plank
30 sit ups
green mile
10 thrusters (35lbs)
15 front squats (35lbs)
Run 800 m

Took me about 30 minutes (stopped to talk to someone for a minute so I didn't get a real time). When I run now, no matter what, I put my incline at least 1%. I can tell a difference.

Oh and I ran a mile afterwards. I'm trying to run a mile after every crossfit workout no matter what. Tomorrow...Insanity. It was awful last week. I'm looking forward to it.  

Sometimes I hate really running

I know, it's hard to believe. I talk about running, I think about running, I look online all the time trying to figure out races I want to do. But sometimes I really hate it.

Yesterday it was really nice outside compared to what it's been like. I mean it was February 15th and 50 degrees. All the snow is gone off our front lawn. So I knew I was going to go running yesterday. I decided to go a different way this week. To go towards Payson; to end at Petittenet. It's kind of downhill but not totally. There are hills here and there so it was a good way to start doing more uphills.

So I took off and was feeling great; the first mile. Around mile 1.5 I started feeling it...that dreaded "why in the heck am I doing this" feeling. Where I start trying to justify to myself why I could stop running; why I could quit right now and be OK. I start thinking about how much I want to stop. How tired I am. How far I have to go still and how my body just wants to quit. It's a really terrible part of running. I know if I push through I'll be happy I finished but at that time it's so hard not to quit.

What usually happens to make me keep going? A song comes on the radio that I either love or has a perfect running beat. Or I realize I've gone 10 minutes further while I was trying to talk myself out of running. :-) I've been running long enough I can usually talk myself out of it. In the beginning it was harder to ignore that voice. I stopped more than I wanted to. Not to say I don't stop now. I just like to be more in charge of when that happens. Yesterday I stopped running for a block but it was after the 3 mile mark and I haven't done that much uphill in a very, very long time. So I knew if i took a block off I'd feel go enough to go the rest of the way plus some maybe. I did it on my time...not that stupid little "you can't do this" voice in my head's time.

I'm trying to do more uphills. This last week during CrossFit when we've had running as part of the workout they've started adding an incline to the running. So where it would usually be "Run 800m" it's now "Run 800m at a 4% incline". I really try hard not to run uphill and boy could I tell! That first day I thought I was going to die!! Clark, Jessica's husband, looked over at me. He said "You live in Elk Ridge. You should be OK with hills." I told him I run downhill not up. He told Jessica later he thought I was a runner and that the incline wouldn't bother me. She told him I usually run downhill, he said that I'd told him that. When Jessica told me that I started thinking "I really need to do some uphills." I mean they're everywhere here. It would make finding routes a lot easier if I could handle hills a little better. Plus the extra cardio help isn't a bad thing either.

So that's why I picked a route with hills. I may try to do that one again some time this week if I can. Maybe tomorrow. But I'm not sure the weather is going to work out. I think it's supposed to rain tomorrow and then the snow is supposed to be back Saturday. Oh, I also ran in Provo on Thursday. I had a Young Woman activity at 7pm so I worked a little late and then ran 3 miles before the activity. It was nice to run on a little more level ground. The stop lights weren't the greatest though. I hated stopping for all of them. Give me open country roads any day!

 So...the moral to the story..."Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." Ignore that voice in your head that's telling you to stop. Telling you you can't do it. Telling you it's not that big a deal if you quit. Ignore it. Because it's wrong.

Finally fresh air!

This week has been pretty busy at work and seemed pretty hectic at home. So because of that I didn't have as much of a desire to eat everything in sight! Well I did a couple times but for the most part I was OK. I really stuck with the WW plan all week. I didn't go above my allotted points by more than 4-5 points a day...which is fine since I have 35 extra a week. So all in all my food choices were pretty good; or better than it has been. I was much better about making my lunch ahead of time and sticking to it once I got to work. I also made sure I had enough 0 or 1 pt hot cocoa at work. I like to have that when I want something chocolatey. It hits the spot!

I didn't cook a whole bunch this week but what I made had a lot of leftovers so it worked. My boys really liked the Grilled Cheeseburger Wraps. You could make it with ground turkey instead of ground beef to make it a little healthier. I just liked that idea of making my family a "hamburger" that I had control of what was going inside. I used the smaller tortillas (soft taco size) and felt like I was making them forever! Everyone had 2; so if I would have bought the larger tortillas I think 1 for each person would have been enough. They're very filling. I used our George Foreman Grill and it worked perfect. I left them in about 4 mins. Using the smaller tortillas I could fit 2 on the grill...but then I had to remember which wrap belonged to which person. Some wraps had different ingredients or condiments than others. Some liked onions, some didn't, some liked Sriracha sauce, others just wanted mustard & ketchup. Dallin was my helper with that-he had to keep track of what was what.

I really liked the other recipe I made this week. I'm a big pasta person so if it had pasta in it I usually like it but this one felt a little "fresher"...not so heavy. Which can happen some times with pasta. It was Slow Cooker Chicken Cacciatore. I loved the green and red peppers in it. They add some great flavor. One thing I usually do before I make a new recipe it go through the comments to see what worked and didn't work for others. What I read with this one is that the time on the recipe may be a little long. I wanted the chicken to cook but I also wanted the peppers to have a little crunch in them so I knew I had to change the time on the recipe some. My chicken wasn't frozen so I knew putting the crock pot on high for 4-5 hours would be more than enough time to cook the chicken. The peppers were perfect. The only thing Kim said it he wished it was a little thicker...like marinara sauce. It was a little watery...but maybe that's why it tasted lighter. I liked it. I think next time I may even add a little red pepper flakes; just enough to add a little spice but not burn your mouth.

Exercise this week:

Mon: Crossfit 28 mins/Run 10 mins
Tues: Insanity Core & Balance
Wed: 3 short 10 mins videos
Thurs: Crossfit 41 mins
Fri: P90X Ab Ripper 10 min video
Sat: Run 30 mins

This week was all over the place with my workouts. On Wednesday I did 3 short videos at home instead of going to the gym. One of them was the P90X Ab Ripper video. It's only 10 mins long but my goodness it hurt!! I did a couple other quick ones just because 10 mins didn't feel like enough. The next day at CrossFit we did a ton of ab stuff so I was dying! In the workout there were 100 sit ups, 5 one min planks and a mile of running. I felt it in my core that was sure! The rest of the day too! Friday it was supposed to snow in the morning so Dallin and I decided just to stay home and do the 10 min ab video. It ended up not snowing at all but it felt nice to sleep in.

On Saturday I set my alarm to get up and go to Spin class but when it went off I decided to just sleep. I thought about going for a run later in the day since it was just supposed to rain but it was really cold in the morning. When I put Leah down for a nap that afternoon I decided to go to the gym for a quick 30 min run on the treadmill. It was still cold outside but when I got to the gym and was walking in I decided it wasn't too cold to run outside; I would warm up quickly. And I did. I started out with gloves on but had to take them off halfway through my run because I was so warm. It felt great to be outside again. It was only lightly sprinkling with was fine because it wasn't a cold rain.

I love running and I love running outside even more but that doesn't mean I don't hate it too. Usually the first few minutes I feel great but then it that beginning euphoria wears off and I realize that this is going to hurt and I'm going to have to push myself to finish. It's at that point I remember the things I don't like about running! But then I push on and there's parts of the run that feel good and remind me why I love it. Yesterday I was really tired though and really had to push myself the whole time to finish 3 miles. The last few times I've run outside my route has been 80% downhill. Yesterday there wasn't much downhill it all; mostly flat which is harder. I was going to run from the gym to the end of town and then back through the fields for a 3 mile run. After I turned around and was coming back I realized I needed to stay on the road and not run back through the fields. I was tired and afraid if I ran through the fields I would stop running. If I stayed on the road I wouldn't stop...I didn't want the cars driving by to see me walking. Pretty sad huh. My pride kept me running yesterday I guess you could say! But whatever it takes I guess. I ran the whole time and finished the 3 miles just under 30 mins. I went into the gym afterwards and just walked on the treadmill for a bit to cool down.

I really do love to run...but that doesn't mean there aren't times I hate it; aren't times I want to stop and never run again. The difference between now and 2 years ago is I know that if I finish I'll feel good. That I feel like I've accomplished something. Plus the big difference is I know I can do it now. I know I can. 2 years ago I couldn't even walk a mile. OK maybe I could but it took awhile. I know I couldn't run a mile that's for sure. Now I know I can...and that's what keeps me going when I want to stop. When I want to walk. When I want to give up. I know I can.