So close...so very close

I tried a new recipe for brownies this weekend. It was a flourless recipe which really sounded interesting. Plus it used PB2. I had some of that for a year now and haven't used it once. So I thought why not. Well they really weren't that great. They were almost spongy and didn't have that cake like taste of regular brownies. The PB2 didn't make it very peanut buttery either like I thought it would. I mean I've eaten 3 so it's not like they were so bad I didn't want to eat them but they weren't the greatest. Actually Stephan and Dallin hated them. I wouldn't say they were that bad (like I said I ate 3 in one day) but I probably won't be making them again. It's interesting...I think that was the first recipe I made from that website that I didn't love. Everything else has been amazing! 

I started my half marathon training last Monday (the 14th). I do Crossfit on Tuesdays and Fridays, short runs on Mondays and Thursdays and my long run on Saturday's. My short runs are 3 miles last week and this week. 3 miles is nice. Easy enough to get in early in the mornings; even if it means running on the treadmill one of those days. My long run was 4 miles. Each week it will go up until I hit 12 miles the week before the race. For my long run this week I decided I wanted to try to get better at running up hill. The one way to do that around here is to master Elk Ridge Drive. That's the long 2 mile road from the State Road to Elk Ridge City. The main problem with it is it's steep. It's a gentle hill at first but then the last mile is harder; with the last half a mile being the worst. Most of the elevation is gained in the last half mile. In the winter it's where the snow line hits...that's how much of an elevation change there is! 

Anyway I parked at the school which is at the half way mark up the road. I was going to run up to the top (1 mile), run down (2 miles) and then run back up to the school (1 mile). I figured I'd run the worst part first  instead of last. One of these days, if I start doing out and back runs it may be last but to start with I just wanted to be able to finish it. So I took on the hardest part first and believe me it felt hard. Right away. I made it to about 3/4 of the mile up. I could see the top of the road, the top of the hill but I just couldn't go any further. I was so mad but at the same time happy with as far as I made it. So I walked the rest of the 1/4 mile to the top. I turned around and ran the 2 miles down. I haven't run that road in a while and forgot about how steep it can be at times. I also forgot about how busy it is, even at 7am on a Saturday. There's no sidewalk or even side of the road so when cars come you have to run in the dirt. I hate that, worry all the time I'm going to step in a hole or something but what are going to do. Anyway, I made it down the hill and felt spent. I wondered if there was any way I could turn around and run that last mile up the hill to my car. I really was worried but I turned around at the bottom and started running back up. 

Like I said, it's a gradual uphill at the bottom so it didn't seem so bad at first. After awhile I started getting tired. I could feel my legs hurting already. Just about then a song came on; one I like, one that has a great beat and I just started focusing on the song. I focused on the song so much that it almost seemed like my legs got into the rhythm. Like they weren't a part of me anymore they were doing their own thing. And they were carrying me up  the road to the school. I made it to the school with no problem. When I finished I was so happy!! Even with walking 1/4 mile at the beginning I still felt good about the rest of the run. I'm getting so much better at running hills! My total time was 41 minutes for 4 miles. Not the best time but good when you realize the first mile took me 13 minutes. :-) 

I was really happy. And I wondered when I was going to get a chance to take a stab at that road again. I'm going to beat it one of these days. I'm going to win. It may be slow going up, but one day I will run the whole way up Elk Ridge Drive. And you know what? I know I will because I've come this far already. 

2 1/2 years ago I was over 220 lbs and could barely walk a mile without getting winded. I've come a long way. 

Fashion Show

Well Friday was the fashion show. I was so worried about it! The night before I didn't sleep well at all. I just kept thinking about how my arms and legs were going to look to everyone. Friday morning I went to the gym and worked my butt off. It was like a last ditch effort to tone my arms and legs. I'd been working out those areas the last couple weeks but thought maybe I could do a little more that morning. When I got home I made the mistake of getting on the scale. 161.5 lbs! I was so upset. I know I haven't been that great with counting my calories (I've been going over a little every day) but I didn't think I'd been doing that bad! And I'd been running and working out every day. I felt deflated. I felt like "why even try". And it showed in my food choices the rest of the day. I wasn't the best eater that day at all.

Come 5:30 it was time to go to the running shop for the show. My stomach hurt. I kept trying to tell myself it would be fine and I wish I'd listened because it really was. I went there, they took me in the back, showed me what I'd be wearing (capri's and a short sleeve shirt-perfect), found me some shoes and then I sat in this room with the other "models". They were all really nice. Very down to earth people. No one was totally thin and trim and "the perfect body". It was so nice! Just normal every day runners. A few of them were talking about runs they'd done the last weekend and ones that were coming up the next day. It was fun to listen to. A whole room of runners! I just sat and listened. Then when the time came all we had to do was walk do the isle, get up on this stool, show our clothes, then get down and walk out. It was easy and there were only about 20 people there which made it even easier.

Afterwards Kim and I went out to dinner (Leah was staying the night with Karen). I was on cloud nine! I was so happy I'd put myself out there and said yes to that. It really a lot of fun and I enjoyed being out of my comfort zone for just a big. Plus the free stuff we got for doing it was a really nice long sleeve running shirt and running socks. I was really excited for the running socks. I'd wanted some but never could spend $12 on one pair of socks. I couldn't wait to try them out. I wasn't planning on running Saturday but with the new shirt and socks I really wanted to!

That night after dinner we stopped at got some frozen yogurt. I decided this was going to be my last day for going overboard with my food. Starting tomorrow I would really give counting calories a chance. I would see if I stayed on track could I loose weight this way. And it meant counting fruits and veggies too. So I ate my Chinese food and my frozen yogurt with a little more appreciation of what I was eating-knowing the next day I would be back on track.

Saturday morning Kim and I slept in until 8am. He got up to do some things and I put my new running stuff on. I decided to do a 4 mile run with some hills in it. Bad hills at the end too but that was the challenge of it! I drove to the spot, walked the 1/4 mile to the where I wanted to start and took off. Well about 2 miles into it I thought I was going to die! My body felt so heavy! All the terrible food choices I'd made the day before felt like they were all in a backpack on my back weighing me down. I decided again I needed to get back on track and eat better. I could have bad foods (aka fast food) but I needed to cut it back (we were going out a lot lately) and watch what else I ate before and after the fast food.

I ended up walking around 2.50 miles. I walked a couple blocks and then took off again. I hated how heavy I felt. And also my long sleeves were going to be the death of me! It was warm already at 8:30 am...a lot warmer than I thought. When I rounded the last corner I was coming up on the last 3/4 mile and the hardest part. I made it up probably 80% of the hill on that road. I stopped twice-once for 1 minute and once for 1.5 minutes. I was determined to run up the hill as much as I could and I did.

I was really happy about my run. And I was feeling really good about counting calories; about being able to stay on track. And I have. Saturday I was under, yesterday I was only off by about 50 and today I've kept on track too. I have a meeting today and they usually feed us dinner so I've already figured out my points for that meal (they feed us pretty much the same thing each time). I even left some wiggle room.

My run this morning was great too. I slept in and then took Leah to the gym daycare around 10am and ran around Salem. It felt so good to run in the morning, after I'd had some time to walk around and get stretched out. My time was good even with some hills and some uphill roads. I'm down to a 10 minute mile-less than that if it's mostly downhill. I want so bad to beat my last half marathon time but really I'm just excited about training again and maybe getting back into shape. Today was day 1 of my 10 week training. Day 1 down...many more to go. :-)

Hiking the Y & making memories

I think if I could I would run outside every day instead of doing any other kind of exercise. I really like running outside. Unfortunately it's usually dark when I exercise in the morning. I can run on Saturday mornings but usually that's the only morning I can. This week I've taken a few days off for Spring Break and Kim decided to take today off too. So this morning I didn't wake up until 7am to exercise...and it felt great! I walked to the top of Elk Ridge and then ran down and around town some. I tried to do as much downhill but I tried to be careful so I wouldn't have massive amounts of uphill when I was done. I ran uphill a few times and was happy with myself for making it as much as I did. I really hate running uphill but I need to get better at it.

I felt good pretty much the whole run (was a little over 3 miles of running and just under 1 mile of walking total). It was nice. And the sun was up so I could see the valley while I ran...It was just really nice. I was thinking how nice it would be to be able to get up at 7am every morning and run. :-) I think I could get use to it. But unfortunately I have to work Wednesday and Friday and even though I've taken Thursday off too I won't be able to run because Kim will be at work. Since schools out I'm thinking of sleeping in again (woot woot) and then going over to the school track with Leah around 9 or 10 am. Then I can run around the track and up and down the bleachers. I can bring Leah's ball and tricycle so she has something to do. We'll have to see.

Yesterday was the only day that Stephan, Dallin and I could do something without Leah. I'd been wanting to do something with them for awhile but it never seems to work out. Yesterday it finally did. So we dropped Leah off at Kim's work and then the boys and I went to hike the Y trail. The Y trail is on the mountain to the east of BYU. It's only 2.4 miles total (up and back) but it's hard! It's really steep and there's about 11 switchbacks. We all wanted to see if exercising helped make the hike not so hard. Well after only 1 switchback I wanted to die! My legs were killing me and I was breathing hard. We stopped here and there (about ever other switchback), caught our breath, let our legs stop burning and then continued to the top. It was a hard hike! Way harder than I remembered...but it's been about 7 years since I've done that hike. Maybe longer. The view from the top was amazing. The boys kept saying how beautiful the view was as we were hiking.

One thing I did notice during the hike was that even though I had to stop for breaks and even though I was breathing heavy while we were hiking, when we stopped I recovered really quick. My legs weren't sore at all today either, even with my run this morning. I think exercising really helped with that. I really did think it would be easier after exercising 5-6 days a week but it still kicked my butt. I liked how quickly I recovered though. That make it really nice.

I loved getting out with my boys. Just being able to hang out with them. When Leah's around it's hard to have a conversation. She interrupts and wants to be a part of everything. I miss just being able to hang out and talk with them. It doesn't happen much at all. So yesterday was a treat. I appreciated my time with them and loved every minute of it. Next year Dallin will be graduating and going on a mission. Stephan could find a friend and move out any time. So I really, really appreciate memories like yesterday.

Afterwards we ate at El Azteca; hands down my favorite Mexican restaurant. I had a Fajita Scramble: potato, scrambled egg, chicken, onions, red/green peppers, cotija cheese and green sauce. It was AMAZING! I'm trying to pick something new and different every time I go there and I haven't been upset with any of my picks yet. This one came with 3 homemade corn tortillas. I ate WAY more than I should of but I was hungry from the hike and it was so good. The flavors in their food...just amazing! Dallin had carne asada nachos and Stephan had a carne asada burrito. Both liked their food a ton and almost finished all of their food-which says a lot because both of their orders were huge!

All in all it was a nice time. I really love my boys. They have grown into great young men that I'm proud of. Good friends, dependable, happy and for everything they've been through-really well adjusted! Not sure how much of it had to do with me or if it's just them coming of age. Either way I had a great time.

Feeling like a newbie

This last week I've started counting calories instead of doing WW. It's been really interesting. While I like it, there are things I really don't like about it at all. My main complaint: You have to count fruit and veggies. When I eat a banana it counts against my calories for the day. An apple too. And asparagus.  I don't think that's right. It would have kept me from eating those things when I was first starting to lose weight. So I've been kind of not counting them (only the ones I knew were 0 pts for WW). Other than that it's been really interesting to see how many calories I actually eat a day. And how much total sodium, carbs and sugar I eat daily. Very interesting.

I start training for my half marathon a week from tomorrow. I'm kind of dreading it but looking forward to it at the same time. I know how great I felt when I was training last summer. It was nice to have this plan in place, to know exactly what you're doing everyday and to be exercising so much. But at the same time I know how hard those 10 mile runs are. Or how hard it is at 5am to get a 4 mile run in. Or how much I missed CrossFit. Although right now I'm feeling kind of tired of CrossFit. I don't want to stop because I know how good it is for me to stay in shape but it will be nice to have something else to do.

My run with Brenna reminded me how much I liked the long runs. How nice it was to finish a run and think "Wow that was better than I thought." I'm excited to find new long run routes. To try to challenge myself and see if I can actually beat my last race time. That will be really hard because this route isn't as downhill as my first one so I'm going to have to train more for a regular route with some hills.

My run with Brenna also made me SO SORE! I was amazed. I thought for sure I'd run enough downhill that it wouldn't hurt. But that was 4 miles straight down with 1 mile after. I've been running Goosenest lately which is up and down. Then, to make matters worse, the next morning I did CrossFit. It was April Fool's Day and we thought the workout was a joke but it wasn't.

3 Rounds
Run 800m (2 laps/half mile)
30 kettlebells (2 0lbs)
30 burpees

It took me forever to do this and it hurt before I even finished. To make things EVEN worse I did some extra arm workouts. All that day I kept feeling so sore. By the next morning I could barely walk. So I had to take a day off from working out. I probably should have taken a day off Tuesday morning. Then I wouldn't have been so sore. But it reminded me of when I started working out and how sore I was all the time. To me that's a reminder that I'm using some part of my body that I don't usually use. I'm getting muscles in that area. I'm OK with that. I need all the help I can get.

Friday is my "fashion show." I'm excited but scared. I don't have to wear shorts. They'll have capris for me to wear under my shorts or I have a pair I'm bringing (in case they don't). I think it will be fun but I've been trying to do extra arm workouts so maybe my arms wouldn't be as flabby. I have a lot of extra skin on my arms, legs and stomach. I know that it will never go away but I'd like to get rid of it somewhat.

So Friday will be TOTALLY out of my element but it will be fun too. I'm looking forward to it...at the same time I'm worried about it. :-) Well just have to see how it goes.

Hiking, running and very little cooking

The title pretty much sums up my last week. I couldn't even remember if I cooked at all last week! It really had to think hard. Then I remembered I made a bunch of dinners in a row at the end of last week. Four to be exact. And I had enough leftovers I haven't cooked since last Monday! We made homemade pizzas one night which turned out really well. I'm trying different dough each time I make them to see which is easiest and tastes the best. I loved putting my own toppings on. We each made our own personal pizza so we could put what we wanted on it. Then I made Sloppy Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. They were a hit. We didn't go through as much meat as we usually do so we were able to have leftovers quite a few days. I made a sloppy joe quesadilla one night that was AMAZING! I never realized sloppy joe meat was so versatile. But I'm just started liking it again. When I was pregnant with Leah I got so sick to my stomach making sloppy joes and I haven't been able to eat them since. I think the ones I made when I was pregnant were very tomato-y. Which you'd think I would like since I love tomatoes but I guess I don't like really tomato-y sloppy joes.

I made a couple other things but I can't remember what they were now. Good but nothing great.

So last Friday Kim took me away for our anniversary. He had it all planned and I didn't even know where we were going when we left. All I knew was we were bringing our cameras so I was happy. We ended up going to Antelope Island. It amazing! I loved every minute of it. Even the minutes when I was freezing cold after the sun went down. I loved those too. :-) I took some great pictures that I can't wait to share and had a great time with my wonderful husband. I kept thinking how wonderful he was; putting together all of this, hoping I would like it And I did. We had so much fun. We tried to get up and to the next morning for some sunrise shots but it was cloudy as could be. So we went back to the hotel, ate all the free breakfast we could and then took a 2 hour nap. It was GREAT! Just want we needed.

I loved when I was hiking around that I didn't feel winded or tired when we hiked. I did later that night and the next morning but while I was lugging around my 40 lb camera bag I was OK. I was hiking up the mountain fine...and I loved that! It made me feel so good. Made getting up at 4:40 am 5 days a week worth it.

Today was a good day too. Not as great as taking amazing photos and seeing a bison for the first time in real life up close...but still good.

Today was the day Brenna and I decided to run down Suncrest Mountain. It was a 5 mile run pretty much all downhill. Brenna wanted to try doing some downhill since she doesn't have a ton where she runs. We both start training soon so we figured this would be fun to try. It really was fun. I still like to run alone but it was nice to have someone there-even if we didn't talk to each other. I have to have music on when I run. I HATE the sound of myself breathing! It reminds me how hard running actually is! But it was nice to have her there. Time went really fast. And at the end, that last mile, I really wanted to stop. I wanted to walk. But Brenna seemed to be doing great and was still running so I figured I'd just continue on until she said she wanted to walk. She never said that and we got down to the very bottom of the road and stopped at the crosswalk (we'd parked across the street). We'd run the whole thing. Brenna said later she'd wanted to stop but I seemed to be doing well and seemed to want to continue so she figured she'd continue. Funny huh. If either of us had said something the other would have stopped. But since we weren't talking we just ran. Which I guess was good since we ended up making it all the way down the mountain.

It was a beautiful view some of the way (some of it was right next to mountains so you couldn't see anything).

It was kind of cold but before we were halfway down I was taking off my first layer. My gloves lasted a little while longer but ended up coming off too. Brenna was impressed I could take off my sweatshirt and wrap it around my waist while I was running. :-) I do it pretty much every week I run. I hate to get too hot when I run. Makes things very uncomfortable I don't like being too cold either but this morning was perfect. Perfect weather, perfect run, perfect everything. The pace was good, there was a wide sidewalk most of the way down, not windy, not too many cars...It was a great run.

I'm a little sore in my hips but I haven't done that much of a downhill in awhile. Plus I was just hiking around Friday so that might have helped with the soreness today. All in all it was great. I felt great the whole time and had to map it again with my car mileage tracker because it went by so quick. 5 miles. We did it in just under 50 minutes which I love. My miles are getting faster.

I signed up today for the American Fork Canyon Half Marathon on June 21st. Brenna is signing up tonight too. I'm excited. Now this one only has about 7-8 miles downhill, the rest is most flat with a little uphill. So I need to make sure I train like that. My last one was almost all downhill so this will be different. But I'm excited. I know I can do it which makes it more enjoyable.

Can you believe I'm use the words fun, enjoyable and love combined with running!?

I told Brenna when I was hiking on Antelope Island I slipped. My first thought was "I can't fall and hurt myself. I have a big run Monday."

Her reply: "You know you're a runner when..."

he, he, he
I'm a runner.

Finally

I didn't write last week. I didn't feel like I had anything good to write. I felt like I was in the same spot that I'd been in for a few weeks and didn't really want to put that in writing. Plus I hadn't made my goal for my work weight loss program. I was feeling bluh. Not as tired as I had been (I actually felt like i had a bit more energy) but just felt down. When I realized I hadn't written anything and why I hadn't written I had to laugh. This blog is pretty much for me...so when I don't write because I don't want to put in writing how I"m feeling it makes me laugh. I already know what I"m thinking! But putting it in writing is different I guess. Makes it more real.

So anyway I decided I needed to do something. I ended up buying new running shoes last Monday. I love them!

They're brighter than I'd wanted but after seeing some of the other shoes these aren't that bad. I didn't really get to pick the color...I was going more for price (cheapest I could get is what I told the guy). The salesman was really helpful. Gave me some pointers and really made me feel like I belonged in a running store getting real running shoes. I still feel weird calling myself a runner. I don't have the "runner" body (slim and trim) and I don't run fast. But I run...I guess that's what I need to remember. I run; and I love it.

The salesman said to take it easy, no long runs for a couple weeks. It took a little getting use to when I first started walking in them. The heal doesn't have as much of a...a lift (i can't remember how he put it) so felt different. But when I wore them the next day for Crossfit I loved that my foot was more flat. My other shoes it felt like my heal was higher. So with these shoes my balance was better when doing squats and stuff like that.

Even with buyer's guilt (they're more expensive than any shoes I've ever bought!) I felt really good about my purchase. I was really excited to run on Saturday with them. See if it felt any different. That kind of helped boast my mood. Then the next evening I was ready FaceBook and there was a post from Runner's Corner (the place I bought my shoes). It said they were doing an April fashion show and looking for people to show of their new clothes. They said they were looking for anyone. I started thinking "this would be something different for me. Something to maybe push me back into getting into shape again." So I sent them a message telling them I'd love to be one of their "models" but warned them I wasn't a young, skinny runner. They wrote back and said they'd love to have me. That they love having regular, everyday people; that runners are just skinny people. So I'm doing it. It's April 11th and I may have to wear shorts! I'm not too sure about that part but figure I'll worry about it when the time comes.

It's really changed my whole mood about eating right and exercising though. I'm amazed at what just one little thing will do. Well it's kind of a big thing but not really. I don't think there will be a ton of people, it's a small store and it's mostly runners that go. But that one thing...signing up for that...changed my whole outlook. I felt that "I can do this" attitude come back. I talked with Deb at the gym to get some extra workouts that I can do to help with my problem areas. From loosing so much weight I have extra skin on my legs, arms and stomach. I've toned those areas quite a bit already but need some help to get them a little more toned. I mean if I have to wear shorts...or heaven help me a sleeveless shirt...I want to be more toned. And tan. I need to wear shorts or something and put my legs out in the sun so I'm not completely white!

Another thing was my work weight loss program. I sent them an email on Wednesday telling them I hadn't made my weight loss goal. I told them I was OK with that because I'm happy where I am. I've maintained better than I ever have. I'm pretty happy with where I am and thanked them for all the help they were for me during the process. They wrote me back, said I actually had until the end of the month and they had permission to let me weigh in at 156.8 instead of 154.8. SOOOO even though it means loosing two pounds in the next week. It's amazing though, it's really been one of those things that kicks me into gear around.

Take for instance Sunday's. I usually eat all day long. Today I haven't. I've been pretty good at watching what I eat. And I feel good. I don't feel like I'm missing food. I feel better about myself since I didn't eat everything in sight. I think I might be able to do this. It's worth a try at least! So I'm trying.

It feels good to be back.

Best and Worst

This week I've tried 3 new recipes again and have just loved them all. The first one was Slow Cooked Sweet Barbacoa Pork. My family went crazy over this one. It was really sweet but the chipotle chile with adobe sauce really added a great flavor to the pork. I had it in a salad and a small burrito (it was so good). Everyone else made burritos with theirs. Dallin made nachos today with leftovers and that worked too. I think I put more of the chiles in and I used whole canned green chiles that I cut into small stirps-which I thought added a nice touch of color and taste.

The second was a recipe I liked because it was so easy to throw together. It was one of those 30 minute type meals. Plus I had everything it needed which was great. I'm trying to not spend anymore money than I really need to. Anyway, this recipe was One Pot Mexican Skillet. I used shells instead of elbow macaroni and I used ground turkey. I think this was one recipe where you really couldn't taste the ground turkey. It was liked way more than I thought it would be. I thought of it as just a homemade Hamburger Helper but my family really liked it.

The last one I made tonight because I had almost a full can of chipotle chiles in adobe sauce that needed to be used. I LOVE anything that www.skinnytaste.com has on her website so I just googled her web site to see what else she'd made with those chiles. I found Crock Pot Chicken Enchilada Soup. I ended up doubling the amount of adobe chile I used and used diced tomatoes with green chiles instead of just plain diced tomatoes. It turned out just a little too spicy. I was fine with a little sour cream (light) mixed in but if it sits in the fridge for a few days it's going to be hot!! Everyone liked it and I'd make it again but it didn't get the "This is Great!" like the other two did.

*****

I still haven't been the best about eating. I'm now up to 161 lbs. 5 lbs from where I want to be and 7 lbs up from where my work program wants me to be. I'm not happy at all with where I am. I can feel it in a my clothes; I can see it when I look at myself...but so far I haven't found that push to make me start eating better again. I know I have to get back on track but it's so hard!! I'm trying to at least track what I eat each day and write it all down but I haven't even been that great about doing that! I've been so tired, so out of it, just so...blah. Then the other day I noticed my hair felt weird. Like it felt more course, it wouldn't sit down like it use to, it was being really weird. I talked with a couple people at the gym Thursday and discovered they'd both had the same type of problems. The main thing they both said: I need to be taking daily vitamins. At the least a multivitamin, if not more. They both said with my age (they're a few years older than I am) and with the amount of exercise I do I need to have something more in my diet.

So today I bought a bottle of daily vitamins for women. I hope this helps at least a little bit. I'm really tired of feeling the way I've felt. I have no desire to do anything. I'm tired. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep all the time. I'm short with everyone. I want to eat everything in site. It's like PMS but it's constant. And my hair is just bugging the heck out of me!

Exercise is getting harder too. The reason I started talking to Deb and Casey at the gym was because I made a comment about how I felt like I was getting slower instead of getting faster. And I do feel like that right now. Today was a perfect example. It was sunny and around 50 degrees so I did an afternoon run today. I decided to run all the way into a gas station in Payson and have Kim pick me up (we needed gas in one of the cars anyway). I thought the run would be around 5 miles and it would have some small and med hills in it.

Let's just say it was an awful run. My legs hurt, my feet hurt, I felt exhausted the whole time and I stopped to walk. Twice. The second time was to watch for traffic as I crossed a large street but I really didn't need to (it was totally clear). By the time I finished my run I was defeated. I felt like I'd never run a day in my life...like this was my first long run ever. I was so mad. And to make it all better (not) it only ended up being 4.5 miles not 5 like I thought. Now the one good thing out of all of this was my time believe it or not. Even with the two stops (really the second one was so short but it was a stop) my time was 40 minutes. That means my mile is down under 10 minutes on avg. I'm OK with that. But then I started the "well how fast could I have done it if I hadn't of walked?" talking in my head and putting myself down for that.

Anyway, it's over and done with. It was a bad run. One of the worst I've had in a long time. I need to get myself back together. I've started the vitamins and hope they help. I need new shoes too. My toes were really hurting by the end. I'm sure it would feel better during the run to have shoes that were newer. I also know that even though this was a bad run there have been good ones; and great ones. I know I can have that again because I've had it before. But boy was this a bummer today. Kind of made my whole "down on myself for the last couple weeks" even worse. I just need to figure out what's up with me and get back. Get back to the me I was last summer. I felt the best then. That's my goal. Now to just do it.